


Arctic Drabbles

by CelestialEnvoy



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble Collection, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Past Torture, Songfic, not every drabble has character death i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:29:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7605367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialEnvoy/pseuds/CelestialEnvoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some ruscan drabbles I'll be posting as I slowly get out of a writers rut</p><p>Major warnings will be put at the beginning of whatever drabble contains it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I know (it isn't your fault)

_You say things with your mouth, cobwebs and flies come out._

 

It doesn't happen very often, but there are times the memories come back. Memories of times long ago forgotten by most, if not all, people today.

 

But still, you live with those memories, the memories of torture and war. With those memories, come the attacks. The times you lose control of yourself, spewing threats and insults as a blind rage takes over.

 

_I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow._

 

Yet, even when you direct the venomous words towards me, I know I cannot turn away. You don't really mean me any harm, no. It isn't your fault.

It may take some time, but I know we'll get out of this okay.

 

_Luckily I can read your mind, flies and cobwebs unwind._

 

I know this because I know what lies behind those words. I know that you blame yourself for all that has happened to your people, to those you love.

 

You take this anger out on others, often not even realizing that you are doing so. It's a coping mechanism, taking out this anger on those around you and yourself.

 

Yes, yourself. I know when you lash out at other people, even me, that you wish you were the one being harmed. It's your way of trying to repent, pray for those long gone to forgive you.

 

_I'll pray that someday you see, the only difference between life and dying;_

_Is one is trying, that's all we're going to do._

So _try to love me and I'll try to save you._

 

You say that you cannot love, that you are a monster. I know better than that.

 

You are strong, you've proved it over and over again. I can only imagine the pain you've been through, the things you've seen, yet you've gotten through it all.

 

_Won't you stay alive?_

_I'll take you on a ride._

 

I know that there are times you no longer want to try, though. And it hurts. It hurts, watching the one I love so much crumble under the guilt of something that should have never happened to you.

 

I will stay anyway, throughout everything, because _we_ are strong. I may never know exactly how horrible the experiences you've gone through were, but I will continue to support you. I will continue to tell you that it is _not your fault._

 

And once the storm is over, when the demons from your past drift away until another time, I will tell you once again how much I love you. How important you are to me.

 

Because no matter what, I know deep inside that you are amazing, caring, and loving. It may take some time for you to see this yourself, but I hope to be the one next to you throughout your life as you slowly defeat those demons.

 

_I will make you believe you are lovely._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this drabble is the lovely "Lovely" by twenty one pilots


	2. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Canada collapses, Russia does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for major character death in this one.
> 
> I also didn't check this one for errors either so apologies if thats a thing

It started with Québec leaving Canada.

 

At first it wasn't expected to affect Canada too badly. Canada's economy started tanking of course, and Matthew got sick with it. However, the people had hope the situation would get better.

 

Ivan hoped too. But it didn't get better.

 

It has now been about a year since Québec seceded, and since then the people of Canada have been continually suffering.

 

Matthew feels it the most.

 

He feels torn apart, watching as the French part of him, the part he always clung so desperately to, faded away. It made it even worse that he could feel their anger towards Canada. Their hatred of him. It made him start to hate himself, too. Ivan continued to try to convince him that he was wrong, that they were wrong.

 

That didn't work either.

 

Matthew continued to collapse in on himself, both mentally and physically. The thoughts of failure surrounded him and the deteriorating economy made him even more ill. It wasn't getting any better and it seemed as if it wouldn't get any better either.

 

People began to forget about Canada. Of course, Matthew had always had an issue with being seen, but when it came to people around the world? They could recognize him. They knew Canada. But now they do not. It seemed everyone had decided that there was nothing to be done.

 

It hurt Matthew that his own family seemed to forget too. Arthur and Francis offered support in the beginning, but they had their own problems to worry about. Alfred on the other hand stayed by Matthews side as long as possible; alas, he was now gone too.

 

Despite this, there was one person who didn't forget. Ivan continued to stay by Matthews side, offering words of support and tending to the sick nation as well as he could. But they both knew that however hard he tried, no medicine would cure Matthew. However, that didn't mean Ivan couldn't help in other ways.

 

It wasn't all too bad. Though Matthew now had trouble breathing and just getting out of bed, there were times the two shared laughs. Times they looked back at their relationship and giggled at the childish antics they used to get up to. On rare days, they even created new happy memories.

 

Ivan loved these days. Seeing Matthews now usually downcast and red-rimmed eyes light up with a gleam of happiness was one of the best things to happen to him in a day. Hearing Matthew's laugh, still light and tinkling despite a bit of a croak from sickness and disuse, was always enough to make Ivan smile and start laughing too.

 

After all, Matthew was Ivan's everything. And seeing Matthew happy and almost like his old self again lit up Ivan's world.

 

Those days didn't last.

 

Canada's economy was at an all time low; the point of collapse. This time, there was absolutely nothing Ivan or Matthew could do.

 

Ivan had been at Matthew's side as usual when it was announced that despite the future being uncertain, one thing was set in stone: Canada was to be no more. He didn't even have time to try and wrap his head around the idea of Matthew being gone as it all happened so fast.

 

First, there was sobbing. Ivan had been so out of it he didn't seem to hear it at first, but he soon realized that the sound was coming from Matthew. Ivan couldn't help but cry too as he moved closer to hold the smaller nation curled up in a ball on the floor.

 

It wasn't long until it got quiet. Ivan had never wished so much in his life to continue to hear Matthew's pained sobs. He took one glance down at his lover just to suck in a ragged breath; Matthew had not gone yet but his breaths were shallow and face pale.

 

Despite Matthew's body appearing so weak and fragile at that moment, he still moved to wrap his arms more tightly around Ivan and whispered three distinct words to the Russian before weakly kissing him.

 

Ivan had clung to that kiss, wishing it would never end. But just like the sound from before, it ended all too soon. Matthew's arms went limp and head dropped. Just like that, it was over. Ivan had lost the most important person in his life. The one who had saved him. The one he swore to protect. The one he loved.

 

The world seemed eerily empty as Ivan began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, this was supposed to be happy. What happened?? who knows man, not me
> 
> kumajiro was also supposed to make an appearance in this but i completely forgot he existed hahaaha OOPS

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://celestialponcle.tumblr.com/)


End file.
